<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Juno Steel and the Case of Benzaiten Steel by n_v_c_r</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593291">Juno Steel and the Case of Benzaiten Steel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_v_c_r/pseuds/n_v_c_r'>n_v_c_r</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Juno Steel with OSDD [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Juno steel is a system, OSDD, Other, Panic Attacks, did, peter nureyev is a system, please for the love of god give me more representation so I don’t have to write it myself</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:48:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_v_c_r/pseuds/n_v_c_r</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Benzaiten was dead. It had happened decades ago, but, Juno still hadn’t gotten over it. It was his brother, to be fair, but he still wished he could just move on already. After Benten’s death, Juno would talk aloud to him, as if he was there, haunting him. For a while, it went on like that, the monologues to Benten.</p><p>Sometimes Juno would imagine his twin’s responses, and he got so good at fabricating it that it was hard to feel as if Benzaiten was really, truly gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Juno Steel with OSDD [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Juno Steel and the Case of Benzaiten Steel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If there’s any tw’s I missed PLEASE tell me<br/>Tw- Gun mention, dissociation, panic attacks, major character death (Kinda? He’s already dead)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benzaiten was dead. It had happened decades ago, but, Juno still hadn’t gotten over it. It was his brother, to be fair, but he still wished he could just move on already. After Benten’s death, Juno would talk aloud to him, as if he was there, haunting him. For a while, it went on like that, the monologues to Benten.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes Juno would imagine his twin’s responses, and he got so good at fabricating it that it was hard to feel as if Benzaiten was really, truly gone. </p><p> </p><p>There were more things like that- occasionally, Juno would wake up and forget that he was Juno, not Benten. It would take upward of an hour to come back down to Mars and remind himself that he was Juno. It was pretty common, in all honesty, and Juno didn’t really mind. It was like having Benzaiten back, in a way. The foggy memory was an unfortunate side effect, but if it helped Juno cope with his death, he’d take it. </p><p> </p><p>Benzaiten was the first one to appear. Juno didn’t think much of it. Feeling hazy about his identity wasn’t a new occurrence for him, and it was nice, in a way, to know he was never alone. </p><p>-</p><p>So when Dahlia Rose refused to leave, Juno gave in and let her into the brain family Juno and Benten had created</p><p> </p><p>Dahlia was flirtatious woman, who was consistently pissed and protective over Juno and Benten. She would take over the body with almost no warning, often to protect the two. It was annoying at times, but never too much of an inconvenience. Dahlia was scary as shit, and Juno was certainly glad to have her on his side. Soon, they found a nice schedule to make everyone happy. He let Bentzaiten and Dahlia take the reigns occasionally, and life moved on. </p><p> </p><p>Having a real family again did throw a wrench in their routine. It was harder to hide Dahlia and Benten, especially when the whole crew was sensitive to the sudden changes in mood. It was getting harder to keep them from taking over as well. They weren’t in very much explicit danger, so they all wanted to do their own hobbies in their free time. Benzaiten was relearning how to dance, and Dahlia had Nureyev teach her how to play Rangian Street Poker. (She always won.) </p><p> </p><p>The crew took notice in the odd shifts, but Juno was doing his work and wasn’t hurting anyone, so there was no need to question it.</p><p>-</p><p>Juno was on the Carte Blanche, relaxing and nearly falling asleep in Nureyev’s lap. Nureyev was reading a book, letting his free hand wander around, messing with Juno’s hair, tracing shapes on Juno’s face and arms gently. Juno felt safe. That was a rare feeling. </p><p> </p><p>Something went wrong. A sharp sound coming from somewhere else on the ship, and suddenly Benzaiten was in control. The younger, deader twin was on full alert, a panic attack bubbling at the surface. He had to run. Ma would be home soon, and she never liked it when Benten was home without her. His mind kept racing, until a semi-familiar voice pulled him from the fog of fear. </p><p> </p><p>“Juno? Darling, hey, listen to me. You’re safe. You’re safe. Everything’s alright, I’m right here.”</p><p> </p><p>Benten’s panic attack didn’t completely go away, and he stayed there, shaking and crying, for well over an hour. Finally, however, Juno managed to boot Benzaiten out of control and breath clearly. Everything was spacey and a little bit out of reach and Juno was very unaware of his surroundings, as if he was just there to keep the body on autopilot. This went on until he realized Nureyev was tapping on his hand, grounding him in the process.</p><p> </p><p>“Juno? Love? I… I love you, okay? I’m right here. You’re safe. Can you find 5 red things around the room for me?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Juno rubbed his eyes, the worst of the dissociation over with. “Oh. Right. I’m sorry, usually he doesn’t do that without my knowledge.” Juno pulled from Benten’s memories, trying to figure out what triggered it. “It was just that sound a while ago. Reminds him of some less than savory moments.”</p><p> </p><p>Nureyev stared at Juno for a moment. “What do you mean? Whose ‘he’?”</p><p> </p><p>Juno cursed under his breath. “Right. Uhh… in the months following my brother’s death, he sort of… appeared one day. In my brain. He hasn’t gone away, but he doesn’t really make life harder for me, so there’s no real point of acknowledging it. He rarely takes over when I’m not aware of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Nureyev had a mix of emotions on his face. His calculating eyes seemed to be staring right into Juno’s soul. “Juno, darling, I- I’m not sure what to say. This isn’t something you can glance over, I… I should know, if this is what I’m thinking it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Nureyev hummed, trying to find the right words. “You know how I have, well… ‘aliases?’ And each has a different personality and backstory and so on. And, occasionally, I’ll… well. I’ll forget who I really am, and be Duke for a day or two, or Glass?”</p><p> </p><p>Juno nodded. “Yeah. That’s not the same-“</p><p> </p><p>“Let me finish, honey. Normal people don’t do that. When I’m Rex, I’m not me. That is Rex. My point is, not all of the alias are just aliases. They’re actual people, with different memories and different… they’re different people.”</p><p> </p><p>Juno nodded again. “Alright. Makes sense. I don’t see how this is relevant, though. Having different people in your head isn’t the same as my dead brother possessing me when I hear a sound like a gunshot.”</p><p> </p><p>Nureyev sighed. “When I was 19, I managed to get access to a psychologist. I don’t quite remember how, but it sure wasn’t exactly legal. I saw her for a while, never giving a whole lot of information, and she told me about this disorder. I’m boiling it down quite a lot here, but essentially, when you’re a kid, you don’t have a fully fledged identity. And sometimes, if you experience repeated trauma in your childhood, you never get a fully fledged identity. That causes multiple identities to form in replacement, and it takes a very, very long time to become that one identity.”</p><p> </p><p>Juno stared at him. “So you’re saying that Benzaiten is just part of my brain? That doesn’t make any sense. He’s dead, he was a real person!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes that happens. If you need someone real, or even fictional, to cope with things, sometimes it happens. It’s certainly not impossible.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going fucking crazy. No. It’s impossible.”</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, no no, love. No. You’re not crazy. I’m just saying that you might want to look into it, alright? I’m sure Rita has access to that information. It would certainly help with feeling more in control with it all.”</p><p> </p><p>Juno put his head back in Nureyev’s lap. “Fine. I’ll ask Rita to get me resources on it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>